Tuesday, January 24, 2012
All right. I guess I don't have any excuses for my long absence again. Since I last posted, I quit my job, moved my familoy of 7 over 800 miles and completely pressed the 'reset' button on my entire life. I'm now a stay-at-home mom of five. Sometimes, a single, stay-at-home mom of five. Peter started law school in August and is gone between 12 and 15 hours a day. Ugh. We've been so spoiled the last five years, with Peter being a stay-at-home dad and me just working part time. We were able to spend so much time together! I wish I had realized it at the time... I'm still going through Husband Withdrawals, even though we are more than 1/2way through the first year. Being a stay-at-home mom has been interesting. First, they should never call it a 'stay-at-home' mom because if you have more than 2 kids, I can't imagine that you would be doing a lot of staying at home. I certainly don't. Most mornings go like today: get up at about 5am, run on the elliptical downstairs for an hour while catching up on my dvr'd shows from the night before, shower and get ready, get kids up and dressed, babies up and dressed, make lunches, comb hair, make beds, find coats, hats and gloves, ask a million times "Do you have your____ (fill in the blank: homework, library book, permission slip etc.)" then drive husband to school because his ride flaked, drive Brandon and Nathan to school at the opposite end of town, then drive back in the other direction across town to drop Ian off at preschool, then go to the grocery store with a pair of annoyed and impatient twins to get the fixings for a huge batch of chili I signed up to make for a preschool fundraiser tonight. Then I come home and am faced with a mess in the kitchen, bedroonms and laundry room. But I'm exhaused, so I am here on the computer. The thing I've noticed about being a work-at-home mom is that I don't have less guilt than I did when I was working outside the home. I still have just as much guilt, sometimes more. I feel guilty if I don't get housework done, but I also feel guilty if I don't play blocks with the babies for 2 hours. I feel guilty if I don't do something intellectually stimulating with Ian when the babies are napping, I feel guilty if I don't volunteer at school, but I also feel guilty for leaving the twins with a sitter if I do volunteer at school. I wish there was some magical formula for getting rid of Mommyguilt, but so far I haven't come across it. If anyone else has, please let me know.